“How we feel about how we feel.” John Gottman, marriage psychologist at the University of Washington, opened up to us the concept of “meta-emotions” or essentially “how we feel about how we feel.” Not just how we feel or even what’s our emotional makeup, but how we emotionally deal with the inward phenomena? John Gottman gives us 3 meta-emotional categories: “those in favor of emotional expression, those opposed to it, and those in favor of finding a balance between positive and negative emotions.” He admits these can be fuzzy. Nevertheless folks differing with others in their meta-emotional category may not be so well-matched. He sees his wife’s anger as, “yelling at me.” A wife with an abusive background had “lots of anger” but didn’t see the anger as a bad thing. She saw it as a source of strength. The husband had had a home life where his parents bickered…
Healing at the Cross Posts
Denial is “refusing to admit into awareness that which comes from one’s environment—e.g., what others say or do.” Job did this in Job 3. Repression is “the exclusion from awareness of troubling psychic contents.” Both definitions are from C.W. McLemore. Denial shuts out the outside; repression, what comes from within. Our fellow griever, Job, resorted to all defenses and later exposed an outward armor, in the face of God Himself. “Why did the knees receive me? Or why the breasts, that I should nurse? I call Job’s lament, “the exaltation of futility.” “For then I would have lain down and been quiet; I would have slept; then I would have been at rest.” Job 3:13-15 What was happening with Job? Every unconscious mechanism for the preservation of life seemed to effect its cover-up all at once, including a tough exteriored religious-duty filled response; but Job’s true colors shown brighter in the ongoing.…
Life is not without hindrance, nor our walk without encumbrance. Impediments characterize our earthly travelling, interruptions are familiar. We get holdups and stoppages, difficulties and deterrents; sometimes it seems that this is all. These interferers challenge us sometimes to the max. We are fed up or have had it up to here. We moan, Why? — why is everything so hard? I want to give you some solace, but first let’s try to find some out-of-the-box answers. Out-of-the-box happens when no “normal” answers suffice, but also, we fear a total breakdown or quitting. Daydreaming, illicit fantasy, or nonchalance is not what we mean by out-of-the-box. We cannot discard our concern, be indifferent or take on a new level of “cool.” Instead, we mean that the restrictive parameters of in-the-box thinking must be willing to face their ultimate death. They are simply not cutting the mustard for success. First of these for consideration: quit…
500 ft.- Noah’s Ark replica-Ky. “The meek will He guide in judgment; the humble will hear and be glad. The meek shall eat and be satisfied: they shall praise the Lord that seek him: your heart shall live forever.” 22:26 Psalms. “But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.” Psalm 37:11. We as mere men wish to change the things, events, or circumstances having be-chanced our life journey. We want to scramble them, soften the blow. We cannot. We cannot candy-coat, muddle, spin or water-down. These things have befallen us, period. Their collateral damage will not suddenly un-frag, huddle, or conglomerate, nor will its wound close up right now. Perhaps a miracle of heaven awaits, but not yet. Instead of gall, jealousy, or spite, the meek lights upon something other; acceptance. Acquiescence, reception, acknowledgment, agreement, belief; do you see where this is taking us? Yes, to…
“How you feelin?” Bill Kraski loomed a giant among the weak. My first words to him were always, “how you feelin?” For as long as I knew him, Bill was a member of “the walking wounded;” sometimes seemed to be “dead men walking,” Just his appearance welled up tears in me — Till he started to converse. Authentic laughter Then came the smile, a little tease, then authentic laughter, now a return to a controlled face. “Okay!?” – was a half question/half reply — he “noted” my comments. “Okay?” Next came something that required deep thought, (some details were missing), nevertheless after a few queries, profundity occurred. Bill gave us, in a short sentence, hours of meditation; the baritone spoke as a news reporter. Bill spoke of his D.J. days, when prompted. I think he played “MacArthur Park” first of anybody. He liked Bela Fleck and anything “light jazz.” I…
I find that folks want to know what is “normal,” so to speak. Does a Christian fail a lot? Does he or she sin just a little? Maybe, less and less, or do we grow weaker with age and sin more? Where does our Achilles’ heel manifest itself? What is the operating mode for living above the fragility? Do we have a besetting sin? — Gray areas? Does the free volition function freely always, or is it hindered? Do most rebound from sin and failure regularly; agreeing with God about our sin, isolating sin from our true identity, forgetting what is past? Is it common to frequently commit the sin of unbelief in still living in guilt or regret? How’s the soul? Is there harmony? What branch of the soul dominates you? Are you an avid thinker, or a determiner; a feeling kind of person, or full of fear, or self-conscious? Are…
“For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ” are the words of Philippians. What are these bowels? “All real spiritual love is but a portion of Christ’s love which yearns in all who are united to Him.” Henry Alford. Okay, Christ is the source, but what of bowels? “The word ‘bowels,’ in the Scriptures denotes the upper viscera – the region of the heart and lungs. That region was regarded as the seat of affection, sympathy, and compassion…” Barnes notes. Dr. Stevens associated bowels with emotions also. Are these the same bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering that we are to put on in Colossians 3:12? Yes, not just the words but the emotions. Caroline Leaf says that “when the thoughts move into the conscious mind, we feel the emotions of the thoughts.” So, when Bible words are invested…
Hope maketh not ashamed. How does it work? Penti Ikonen and Eero Rechardt say “the reaction to the absence of approving reciprocity,” is shame. Gunnar Karlson, “…the main constituents concerning shame are its anchorage in the situation to which it refers; …perpetually objectified; …the revelation of an undesired self; …a history of frozen nowness.” Lynn Jacobs PH.D says “shame fear and guilt, these are the ‘feelings about feelings;’ the boundary keepers.” “ Experiencing a forbidden feeling,” evokes shame. These afore mentioned answers exist in the realm of analysis; empirical, rational, sometimes very insightful — Psycho/Physiological stuff. Wow! “a person with internalized shame believes he is inherently flawed, inferior, and defective.” John Bradshaw. For what it is worth, we have definitions. Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed. They disobeyed. Shame began here. They became pale, disappointed, delayed, and dry. They got steep protective boundaries, they received limits, things quit…
“Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, we ought to obey God rather than men.” Act 5:29. What comprises the obedience of faith? How does it work? By the obedience of Christ shall many be made righteous, is Romans 5:19. “In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin thou hast had no pleasure. Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God.” Hebrews 10:6-7. Jesus was the obvious obedient one and by His willingness we are sanctified by the offering of His body, once and for all. But what of our obedience? A key may be in the Psalmists words “For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. Instead, The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt…
That which the palmerworm hath left — hath the locust eaten; and that which the locust hath left — hath the cankerworm eaten; and that which the cankerworm hath left — hath the caterpiller eaten. Joel 1:4 “The whole face of the mountain was black with them. On they came like a living deluge. We dug trenches and kindled fires, and beat and burnt to death heaps upon heaps, but the effort was utterly useless. They rolled up the mountain-side, and poured over rocks, walls, ditches, and hedges, those behind covering up and passing over the masses already killed.” Expositor’s “After eating up the corn, they fell upon the vines, the pulse, the willows, and even the hemp, notwithstanding its great bitterness.” “The bark of figs, pomegranates, and oranges, bitter, hard, and corrosive, escaped not their voracity.” “They are particularly injurious to the palm-trees; these they strip of every leaf…