An Excerpt from “I’ll Pay You Back”

Events can lead to another kind of pressure. “Who is responsible? Doesn’t anybody have to pay?” The sense of fair play in all of us is what drives us to at last get some closure. I say that with sarcasm. Isn’t it funny how that one may never be happy unless someone pays? A person may be driven to anger over whose fault it is and never feel at peace until a settlement is reached. This may be a road on which we choose to explore, but to use a biblical text “the end thereof are the ways of death.” This justice driven road carries a very strong feeling. We have been slighted, hurt and violated. Who is to blame?
…out of the blue came these words to my inner man, ” I’ll pay you back.” I was astounded and began to tear up.” Could this be God talking?” I doubted.” What was he saying?” “That he had taken something from me, but admitting the wrong, was going to return it?” “Was he referring to a loan?” I was entranced!

How bold! God laid himself bare! His mercy eclipses intellect.” I tried to get my arms around it. Not a religious piety, not a salesman’s hype, but from a hallowed genuineness came “I’ll pay you back.”
“God has every right to do as he wishes. He doesn’t have to apologize for anything, because he is not the blame.” I thought out loud. Now God was taking my side, taking ownership of the hurtful event, and declaring an expedient repayment for wrongs incurred. I continued flabbergasted.
When the dust settled, I admittedly had some comprehension of what God had manifested. The Bible verse came to me, “in all of our afflictions, He is afflicted.” (Isaiah 63:9). God was tasting my pain from an injury contracted; purposely ignoring its origin, so he was hurt too. He wanted to fix it.
God was saying to me,”if you need to place blame, place it on me.” “I accept it and will make it right for you.” This took me right out of natural thinking into the sphere of God’s sovereign will, from whence happens no mistakes. From this plateau, God is ultimately responsible for all occurrences good and bad. Can God make a mistake? No, but are there actions allowed by God that hurt man? Yes. He is unrepentant, but the heart of God is greatly pained at what he must do.
This was a lavish display of love, unconditional, self– sacrificing and of a mysterious kind of justice, all at once. I recalled how the Father demonstrated this in time past, giving his only begotten Son to die in our place. The Son uncovered it as he willfully pressed his bosom toward the cross, dying, that the stream of life might pour forth –– His blood efficaciously purging away senseless struggling, goads of two high standards, self accusations, and horrendous guiltiness.

I felt that I had just received a personal promise from God Himself bringing hope and encouragement. My expectation for the future was again shining brightly, my oneness with God uniquely solidified. I wondered excitedly at how He would perform the promise.

To remember the fragrance is a healthy exercise to perform occasionally. God has paid me back in many many ways. Most of it has come by His inviting me into the circle of his friendship. Herein is life; that we might know Him, the Only True God, and His Son Jesus Christ. love you!



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